The emotional baggage that comes with selling, buying and moving

Selling and buying property are ranked as two of the top ten stressors in life, according to a 2023 Stress Survey done by Clever Real Estate in America. It was also found that 64 percent of millennials are stressing about property prices.

The human factor

The human brain is wired to anticipate and to create a future, says Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert in his book, Stumbling on Happiness. Certainty is what keeps humans moving forward. Uncertainty diminishes how efficiently and effectively we can prepare for the future, and thus contributes to anxiety, according to mental health experts Dan W. Grupe and Jack B. Nitschke.

Uncertainty is the one thing you will encounter and will have to combat during the process of selling and buying a property.

Many questions will add to the uncertainty - can you afford it, is it the right thing to do and the right time? Talking to a mortgage advisor and your property practitioner will give you a clearer idea of the process and what to expect. Also do your research, even talk to your bank manager, make the sums, and have a clear idea of what your requirements are. This should put your mind at rest on a practical level.  But what about the emotional baggage?

The fear factor

It can be fearful having to deal with change and that is when you start worrying about the unknown, says Corlia Erwee, a psychologist from Cape Town. "There is a saying that the present is a known prison. It's not easy moving out of your comfort zone into a new home. We're already living in an uncertain world, and you could feel anxious when there are just too many unknown variables."

She says while we all need a roof over our head, this basic need also has an emotional, fear and self-doubt component. What if you chose the wrong area, and what about the political and financial situation in this country?

"The unknown can be huge problem for people. It can trigger the fight of flight syndrome in your nervous system since it takes you out of your window of tolerance." She recommends that you acknowledge that you've burst through the tolerance window.  Will this destroy your or even kill you? No. You can always change your mind about selling, buying or moving, for that matter.

The disappointment factor

Disappointment plays a huge part in buying and selling. Bonds might be rejected, offers might not be accepted, or your current situation might change (marital status, work security). Therefore, it's important to go with the flow and be adaptable.

Corlia advises that you don't form any emotional bond with a new home until the contract is signed. Practise mindfulness and be happy with what you have, and don't yearn for what you don't have yet, or might never have.

Do you take this property to be your lawful home ...

Then, suddenly, the waiting period is over. Like a couple before their wedding day, this is where the real fear kicks in. You're going to sign on the dotted line. Once you've signed, there's basically no turning back. You'll be experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. Don't be surprised if you wake up the next morning feeling overwhelmed. 

Also, be aware of the following feelings that might struck.

Buyer's remorse is natural and can be expected when you suddenly see your new home devoid of furniture in the stark light of day. Remember however why you fell in love with it in the first place. That reason is still there.

Relocation depression can be caused by moving and fear of the unknown. Changing homes can be very disruptive. This disruption to your routine - as well as the anxiety associated with adapting to a new space, and the fact that you might lose your support network - can trigger depression.

Imposter syndrome is another emotion you might experience when moving into a new suburb. You might feel unwelcome or that you don't belong there.

"Honestly? Don't give it any energy. You're unique. If your neighbours don't like it, tough luck. Feel like a stranger in a strange place? Relax, you will find a Woollies again," says Corlia.

She suggests that you cut emotional ties with your old place by formally saying goodbye to your old home - and celebrate all the memories - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Before moving to your new home, do the river exercise. What is your old river called -  the river of stagnation or happy river, for example. What are the names of the rocks, stones, crabs and fish in the river: Sadness, deception. Alone. Struggles. Fear. Happy times...

Then give your new river a name and create the kind of river you would like. Maybe you would like a river brimming with selfcare, love, and peace.

Remember, you've accomplished something great.. A fresh start awaits. Now you can start turning your property into a home.